


Rules For Living In My Cool Underground Base

by Fortunato



Category: City of Heroes
Genre: Gen, Living Together, Original Character(s), Ruler of Hell, Rules, superheroes being mundane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 14:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2313095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fortunato/pseuds/Fortunato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who houses the heroes? The Greekchorus does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rules For Living In My Cool Underground Base

**Author's Note:**

> This was written when City of Heroes was still live.
> 
> Days later the closing was announced. It has been in stasis until now.

**Hello, a message from your landlords Oxomoco, Riley Grimm, Thea Anastasis, and Benedict Jones. These are the rules you must follow to make the Greekchorus an enjoyable living situation for everyone! If you have any questions, please consult the office or catch one of us for a talk!**

1\. The kitchen and dining area are free to everyone. Label food that is yours. Stolen food will be dealt with as the victim of your heartless crime feels necessary and your landlords wash their hands of it.

2\. The tv in the common room is first come first served for viewing, unless the show is truly horrible at which point mob rules.

3\. What you do in your own rooms is your own business unless it damages the structural integrity of the base or smells terrible.

4\. Pets allowed. Rikti monkeys are not pets. Furred heroes are also not pets. They are allowed, but have to pay rent.

5\. Do not bring anyone home with you. People have secret identities and to those who are unaware, a pamphlet about Nemesis automatons can be acquired from the office.

6\. Please use the decontamination showers after dealing with the Devouring Earth and before handling anything in the kitchen. Violators will have the antidote withheld.

7\. Superpowers should be used on an 'is this actually helpful?' basis. Laser eyes are never helpful.

8\. There is no lights out time, but there is a 'stop screaming about the conspiracy' time. That is 9 pm. If you do not know what the conspiracy is, please consult the office for your Nemesis automaton pamphlet.

9\. Atheists, there are religious figures living here. Please do not try to disprove them. Religious figures, please do not smite the atheists.

10\. If you are found to be paying rent with money 'acquired' while stopping a bank robbery, that is an immediate eviction.

 

Added Rules:

1\. No Rikti monkeys. Ever.

2\. No Rikti monkeys on fire. They are not 'fire imps', we can tell the difference.

* * *

Mirari pulled off a piece of brightly patterned tape (it was limited edition Statesman's cape tape and they were honouring his sacrifice by using it for the new signs) and finished attaching her third and last copy of the updated tenancy rules. It had gone through a lot of revisions, along with "Is this real English?" checking. Except for Benedict, who had considered school optional, none of the four landlords were native English speakers.

Thea stood behind her, and huffed at Mirari's shoulder. "They're too vague."

"Being draconian requires more work." Mirari added more Statestape. She and Thea were speaking Spanish, and both were in costume. Other heroes responded better when you started ordering them around if you were in uniform and not yoga pants. 

Mirari rocked a light armour with chains and sun chest piece, full of meaning that no one asked her about if they wanted to be on time for anything. She called herself Oxomoco, after the goddess who had incarnated in her thinking they'd use the goddess's power of astrology to become incredibly rich telephone fortune tellers and recreate the goddess's following. Instead, Mirari Luna had decided to be a heroine. Sometimes the goddess thought that life just wasn't fair, even if you were divine.

Thea just wore whatever covered her as much as it could, from goggles to a breathing mask. She didn't bother with sleeves, on account of having skeletal robotic arms instead of anything organic there.

"Hmph," was Thea's reply.

"I think I got all the key areas. No one can say we didn't warn them." Mirari eyed the burn marks on the wall with a grumpy look. "I can't believe we had to add those last two."

"I can."

"That's because you wouldn't be surprised if we turned out to have been rooming Arachnos sleeper agents."

"I would. We're not that important." 

"You're important," said Mirari and tapped Thea's forehead. "You had that press conference."

"Don't remind me," muttered Thea, batting away Mirari's hand. 

"All that and you didn't even plug the Greekchorus, and you with a new mouth to feed," said Mirari. "We could have used the business. This old wreck is over half empty." 

The 'old wreck' was the Greekchorus, a 'don't die poor' scheme that the four of them, Mirari, Thea, Benedict, and Riley had come up with. Repurpose an abandoned, cheap superhero base into a housing development for heroes and charge them rent. Unfortunately, it had come with the side-effect of having to deal with tenants.

"I was busy answering why Psyche and Statesmen were dead," replied Thea. "Too tacky." [Ed. Note: They done got killed by Darren Wade. See issue #50 of Thea Anastasis Hates Fixing Your Problems]

"Ehhh. I'm sure they would have forgiven you, wherever their souls have ended up. They would have been, 'good on Thea for looking forward. For thinking about her friends, who would like to buy a new costume sometime this century,'" said Mirari. She gave a pointed look at a crack in her armour. It was hard to hit a stormy, but Freakshow were always up for a challenge.

"It's a fine costume."

"It's dingy. I've been using it since I came to Paragon. I'm just glad metal can't hold a smell," said Mirari. She tugged a dreadlock between two fingers as she thought about what else needed to be done around the base before the meeting. "Did you tell Riley to pick up donuts for the base meeting?"

"Maybe. Can't remember."

"I really want donuts, but I don't want to get them myself, assuming she already went and got them and then end up with too much donuts. But if she didn't get the message, then we have no donuts. This is a real prisoner's dilemma." Mirari looked down at Thea. She couldn't even tell if Thea was looking back at her through the goggles. "Well. I think it is."

"Okay."

"You know, you could be more cheerful. You're home! You're not doing some stupid errand and resurrecting murderous assassins so Lord Recluse can get nookie. Why did you do that? Don't answer that one," said Mirari. Thea 'accidentally' hipchecked her into the wall.

"Hmph," hmphed Thea. 

"Ow. Do you think Riley remembered her comm for once? I mean... donuts." Mirari focused on the important details.

"No."

"No, she never does, does she?"

***

Mirari was in luck. Riley had, in fact, gotten donuts. Well, sort of luck. Riley had gotten the donuts Riley liked. Mirari poked at the white powdered sugar jelly donuts and thought how her lovely black official costume was going to be totally speckled in white sugar. She cursed the German.

Riley, uncaring of Mirari's pain, was on her second donut and was arguing with her girlfriend Molly about whether England really had been invaded by tripod aliens.

"We were! I don't know why they're so busy covering it up now," said Molly, who was in the same dark coloured costume boat as Mirari but didn't really seem to care as she wolfed down something with red jam in the middle. Mirari, Paragon's greatest detective, could tell because said jam was on Molly's chin. "Maybe your lot wouldn't have been so blasted panicked about the Rikti if everyone'd known."

"We would have tried to sneeze on them," replied Riley, pushing her slipping glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Very ineffective. Not good."

"And now, America! All at once, you lot! Sneeze and really put your backs into it!" crowed Molly.

"You've had too many donuts," said Mirari and moved to take the donut box away. Molly, who'd grown up in rations time in England (before a hole in time had taken her to modern day Paragon) made something near a hissing noise and slapped her hand on the table in front of Mirari's. "I think I can handle a few more, love."

"Right," said Mirari and went to make herself busy. 

The Greekchorus tenants, or as Benedict (Mirari noted he hadn't appeared yet) called them, 'the enemy', had started trickling in.

One dragged in a couch. That one was the largest tenant in the base, Geothunder (an eight foot mountain of a man who got even bigger and rockier when the mood struck him) and he was now lounging on it. Perched on the back behind him was his roommate Cat who was, for some reason, putting tiny braids in Geothunder's hair. Cat's tail twitched happily as he prettied up Geothunder.

Other colourful people, both in costume and out, were finding chairs and facing the podium, also dragged in. 

A statue stood at the back of the room, stone wings outstretched and an emotionless face with water damage giving it the appearance of tears over closed eyes looked over Mirari. Then it shifted to a more comfortable position. Mirari shuddered. New tenants, especially the creepy ones, were the worst before they got settled.

The four non-super tenants of the base were also in attendance, even though two weren't really required, being under the age of five. One of them was Thea's daughter, Alouette, who was engaged in serious toddler talk with her peer. The other two were the elderly parents of heroes. Mirari wondered if she could swing getting them to pay extra protection money from all the safety they must be getting from the heroes around them.

Two of the university student heroes were making a go for the donuts. Mirari wished them luck in her head and pulled out her list to take attendance, noting down the ones she'd already spotted.

The room was half-filled by the time people stopped showing up, but it was a large room. Mirari thought it must have been a training room back when the base was used as an actual base for a group of superheroes who had unfortunately lost their lives in the battle against the Rikti. 

She scooted over to the podium and began in English: "You may have noticed we've had a surge of new tenants, and we'd just like to go over the basic rules of communal hero living, welcome people, and a reminder for old tenants as well as some general news. As well, I will mention some **new** rules." Very pointed emphasis on the new.

There was a shifting noise to her left. She eyed their accountant, Julia. When she wasn't out being a heroine named Desert Diamond, Julia was busy being responsible for the 'no flaming Rikti monkeys' rule. As well as the scorch marks on the entrance hallway.

"First off, while you may or may not have a secret identity, unless told otherwise you must assume every other tenant _does_ have a secret identity and you must respect that. Violations of this, and by that I mean outing anyone, will lead to immediate eviction. Is this understood?" She looked at the newer faces, some of which nodded back to her.

"Second, no rowdiness in the communal areas. We don't like buying new furniture and a lot of you can be pretty hard on it." 

Geothunder coughed awkwardly.

"Third, you'll find this in the guidelines page put up around the base but I'm going to really stress it here, do _not_ bring anyone home with you. What you do on your own time is fine, but there's a reason you need a special code to even enter here. You could put a lot of people in danger, as well as let an enemy in. So if you're gonna spend time with friends, do it outside. If you're going to spend special time with someone, go to their place or a hotel. Or a closet. I don't care, just not here." There was annoyed rumblings at that. She'd expected that, most of their tenants tended to be university students trying out heroism for a lark, and they were a healthy percentage of the latest tenant crop.

She was a student herself and knew the feeling. Okay, she didn't know the feeling. Mirari's love life was cold and barren. But she knew that if she had half a chance, she'd know the feeling.

But hormones were meaningless in the face of proper 'don't get everyone killed' protocol. Becoming a godmother to Thea's daughter had made her more than a little paranoid about dangers to the base.

"And no Rikti monkeys. Ever. None."

She nodded to herself, sure she'd covered the salient points.

"That's it. Now it's time for question and answer."

Then she fled the room before anyone could say anything, leaving Riley in charge.

_Buy only the jelly donuts, will you_ , thought Mirari.


End file.
